Can Cowboys Be Fixed Via 'The Parcells Way'?

*Cowboys in 2024 will face – twice each – Kellen Moore’s offense with the Philadelphia Eagles and Dan Quinn’s defense with the Washington Commanders. In other words, keep this crazy stat handy: No team has repeated as NFC East championship since 2003-04.

*Hot.

*Not.

*The Cowboys need a defensive coordinator. Bill Belichick needs a job. Jones loves Belichick. It would take an enormous bite of humble pie for one of the NFL’s all-time great defensive minds, but otherwise some pretty easy dots to connect. I mean, Jerry has already made Mike McCarthy uncomfortable. Might as well make him completely squirmy.

Short of that? Belichick is from the Parcells tree. Mike Zimmer is also a "Parcells guy'' in addition to being a "Jones guy'' (he started his NFL career here under Barry Switzer) and a respected foe of Mike McCarthy's.

Oh, and he's one of Deion Sanders' best friends, most recently working with "Coach Prime'' in Colorado.

Would hiring Mike Zimmer - which CowboysSI.com sources say is a possibility - be a best-of-all-worlds connectable throwback to Dallas' glory days?

*In an average week, I type approximately 10,000 words and text another 2,000. Still, sometimes they just stop me in my mental tracks. This week I spent a good three minutes on “irreparable.” It means, of course, unable to be repaired. But why does the “i” disappear? When we already have “unrepairable” as a perfectly good and sensical word, do we really need “irreparable”? No. No we do not.

*Luka’s great and all … but Jason Kidd went overboard with the hyperbole this week. The Mavs’ coach said Doncic was “better than Dirk,” in the same “atmosphere” with Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant and LeBron James, and guaranteed he’d “win multiple championships.” 

No doubting his greatness. At age 24 he’s already a five-time All-Star. He just completed the most productive three-game stretch by an NBA player since Wilt Chamberlain. And he’s the league’s most unstoppable offensive player, in that he can score and/or facilitate almost at will … and in slow motion. The difference – other than the fact that he’s being compared to dudes with a combined 15 rings without yet making it to the Finals – is defense. Every opponent fears Luka’s offense. But some also exploit his lack of defense.

*McCarthy is John Harbaugh. Without the job security.

*Recently I’ve had this squiggly vein that pops up on my temple. Friends joke that it looks like a “W,” ya know, for Whitt. I don’t wanna be the fake tough guy who ignores warning signs and drops dead, so I Googled the likely causes: 1. “Intense exercise” (yeah, sometimes). 2. “Low-calorie diet” (yeah, sometimes). 3. “Getting older” (yeah, sonofabitch).

*Despite Luka, the Mavs are going nowhere fast unless they drastically improve their rebounding. They grab only 27 percent of “contested rebounds,” second-worst in the league. Rebounds = rings.

*Mavs owner – we can still call him that, right? – Mark Cuban was on Saturday Night Live last week. Quick cameo, but still pretty cool to offer Dakota Johnson $1 million. Almost 35 years making headlines and nary an SNL appearance for Jerry. Head. Scratcher.

*Of all the ways to die, by “hammer” is way down near the bottom of my list.

*Professional tennis returns to DFW next week via the Dallas Open at SMU. Top American men Frances Tiafoe and Ben Shelton are playing, along with a women’s match pitting former No. 1 and heartthrob Caroline Wozniacki vs. one-time Wimbledon finalist and heartthrob Genie Bouchard. Yes, please. Next year the growing tournament moves from a 250-point event to one of 16 500-level tournaments on the ATP Tour, and relocates to the Ford Center at The Star in Frisco. Tennis, flourishing in North Texas. Take that, Pickleball.

*Quinn’s legacy with the Cowboys: Takeaways. He took over the historically horrible 2020 unit and transformed Dallas’ defense into one of the NFL’s best by leading the league in takeaways in consecutive seasons and creating a staggering 96 in 55 games. Too bad he saved his worst for last, inexplicably switching his team’s preferred man-to-man coverage tactics into zone and coughing up 48 points to the Green Bay Packers in last month’s playoff loss.

*Wait, how do we have a “border crisis” that a certain someone can supposedly fix when that same certain someone already built a wall and made Mexico pay for it? I’m so confused.

*Speaking of Jerry’s audible love letter to Belichick, how about a list of the dumbest things he’s ever said? Just kidding, that would take all weekend and I’ve got things to do.

*Being bald with a beard makes as much sense to me as wearing pants on your arms and a shirt on your legs.

*Sunday comes the announcement of the World Cup 2026 schedule. If AT&T Stadium is awarded the final match, it’s rumored that Jerry will kick in $180 million in renovations to the 15-year-old barn. Altogether now … curtains!

*This Weekend? Friday let’s take a shot of culture and see a dance troupe at a Dallas theater. Saturday let’s take a shot of alcohol at a house party. Sunday let’s take to the tennis court. No NFL, so you got a better idea? Didn’t think so. As always, don’t be a stranger.